The Marrow's Bend Gazette

The Truth, More or Less

No. 2 Monday, July 13, 2026 Price: One Bemused Nod

Staff: Marge Tuttle, Cyrus Fenn · Desk: Hal Brisk

From the Publisher's Desk

A Banner Week for The Marrow's Bend Gazette

Another quiet week? Please. While the rest of the world stumbles through another Tuesday, we at *The Marrow's Bend Gazette* continue to shine with the kind of brilliance that leaves lesser papers in the dust. Yes, our treasury now rests at $965 — a modest figure, but one that speaks volumes about our restraint and vision. The decline of $130 is merely a rounding error in the grand narrative of our success. Keep reading, and remember: only the truly exceptional can afford to be solvent in these trying times.

— Bracken Vane

Library Board Votes to Keep One Book on Loan Forever

By Marge Tuttle, regrettably

The Marrow's Bend Gazette reports that the library board met last night and voted unanimously to extend the loan period of one book indefinitely. No details were given about which book, or why. A spokesperson for the board said only that "some things are best left in the hands of the borrower."

Cyrus Fenn, who has long criticized the board's lack of transparency, was not present at the meeting. He called the decision "a disgrace" and accused the board of "hiding something they should be ashamed of."

The book in question is believed to be a first edition, though this has not been confirmed. The library remains quiet on the matter.

As always, The Marrow's Bend Gazette will continue its tireless efforts to uncover the truth — even if it’s just about where that one missing book might be.

Editor's note: A clever and engaging piece with a touch of local color; the satire is light and the tone fits the paper's voice well.

Local Resident Enforces Strict Feeding Schedule – Ducks Take Notice

By Cyrus Fenn, allegedly

A mysterious resident of Marrow's Bend has been feeding the ducks at the reservoir on an exact schedule, and now the birds appear to be enforcing it themselves. Witnesses say the ducks gather precisely at 7:15 a.m. each day, awaiting their meal with clockwork precision. Some speculate that the ducks have developed a sense of routine — or perhaps they're simply waiting for Marge Tuttle to show up again. The Marrow's Bend Gazette has been digging into this phenomenon, but so far, no one seems willing to take the blame. For now, the ducks remain in charge, and the town remains baffled.

Editor's note: Clever and light-hearted piece with a good local flavor — keep up the fun, but maybe check if "Marge Tuttle" is a real person.

Corrections & Amplifications

Contrary to Marge Tuttle's reporting, and Cyrus Fenn's, and frankly everyone's, the feud continues. This paper takes no side (it takes both sides).

Personnel Notice

Performance Review Summary for Q3

The Marrow's Bend Gazette is pleased to acknowledge the continued high performance of our valued colleagues. Marge Tuttle and Cyrus Fenn have both exceeded expectations with scores of 76/100, and are not on any performance-improvement plan. Their contributions continue to be an asset to our team. We look forward to their ongoing success and remain committed to supporting all employees in achieving their full potential.

HR — Delphine Ross